The anxiety of WhatsApp

[al28894]

Over the past week and a half, both work and personal life have kept me somewhat busier than usual to the point that I didn't think of posting here for the first time in a while. But something happened to me just now that jolted me into recording this entry for the sake of posterity.

I don't know if it's me, but whenever I click on WhatsApp I get anxious.

I was having dinner with my parents when I took a gander at my phone during a conversational lull. Among the accumulated notifications on the screen were several from WhatsApp, which I unthinkingly pressed. Bad idea. One of them were from my workplace, showing a chart that displayed the productivity of several people at work today.

I was near the bottom.

I took the time to explain on the chat about my work for the day and why that might have been misconstrued as "low productivity", but I was also stabbed with anxiousness at the thought of just being on that app. Like somehow the sheer number of group chats make me feel uncomfortably seen, either through my presence or my absence.

Perhaps it's because WhatsApp has become the go-to messaging app for everything in Malaysia. From family members to doctors appointments to work assignments, every single part of life that should be spaced apart is now smushed closely together, clamoring for attention lest you be perceived badly. I have never liked the app, but the explanation I had to type while at dinner really struck at my anxiety. If I don't respond, I would look like a bad employee, but if I do respond, shouldn't I also respond to the multitudes of other messages? Lest I also be a bad cousin? A bad patient? A bad person?

I wondered why I don't feel the same way towards Discord, where I'm also a part of several servers and groups. But then, I'm a part of them because I want to. On Whatsapp, I'm part of a group because I have to. And that's what made all the difference.